AVERAGE STARTING SALARY: $45-$85K
(Eventually, of course, you’ll make much more. But even then, only boat money -- not jet money. For that kind of scratch, see Hedge Fund Manager).
WOW FACTOR: 8
PARENTAL PRIDE QUOTIENT: 9
DANGER INDEX: 1
(There’s always the risk of being kicked by your polo pony).
IS IT RIGHT FOR ME?
With investment banking, as with the market itself, it’s all about timing. A year-and-a-half ago, I-banking remained the dream job of every overindulged, to-the-manor-born Ivy Leaguer with C+ grades and A+ connections. Then Wall Street drove the economy off a cliff and the profession’s reputation took a major hit. For a while there, in the public’s perception, investment bankers were the lowest of the low -- ranking somewhere between pedophiles and serial pedophiles.
What a difference a bailout makes. Now, with a skyrocketing Dow, Goldman bonuses at record levels, and “Wall Street 2” in pre-production, investment banking is the balls again. So grab your resume, kid, and schedule a fitting for that monocle.
WHAT’S INVOLVED?
Once you make it to the top, investment banking is just like it looks in the brochure: flying first-class, schmoozing in corporate boxes, and negotiating deals with Warren Buffet over G&T’s and badminton at your summer place. But just starting out, it’s a real bitch. We’re talking 140-hour workweeks, pulling all-nighters to throw together pitch books so your boss can look good. And in return, your boss will show his gratitude by treating you like a bag of his Afghan hound's crap. Unless you’re a chick, in which case he’ll just sexually harass you until you quit.
WHAT TRAINING DO I NEED?
Eventually you’ll need an MBA, but most firms will hire liberal arts graduates to work as analysts for a couple years first, which is win-win for everyone. The bank gets to weed out the weak before investing too much effort in their professional grooming, while the analysts who kill themselves save a fortune on those Wharton student loans.
HOW DO I GET THE JOB?
Investment banks recruit from colleges and business schools, and often start you off with a job over the summer. Competition is fierce, so come to your on-campus interview prepared to kiss serious ass. But don't be too eager beaver-y. Bankers may not be able to sense impending financial apocalypse, but they can smell desperation.
UPSIDE:
The thing that’ll keep you going as you slog through the trenches is the lure of that giant bonus check come January. And trust me -- it’ll be worth the wait. Even a first-year analyst’s paltry $50,000 will buy him 625 lap dances at Scores.
DOWNSIDE:
Even before the collapse, investment bankers weren’t exactly beloved by the hoi polloi. And unless Lloyd Blankfein invests some of those bonus billions in a massive PR campaign, your business card might as well read, “Junior Vice Asshole.”