AVERAGE YEARLY SALARY: $16,820, plus tips
DANGER INDEX: 3
IS IT RIGHT FOR ME?
There are two basic kinds of parking lot attendant.
1) The kind that sits in a cramped little booth all day, watching dully and resentfully as drivers take tickets from an automated machine; and
2) His much cooler cousin, the valet, who gets to actually run around parking cars and practicing his Spanish.
The first type is for you if you’re out of shape, love making change, and own a reliable tiny black-and-white TV. But be warned: claustrophobes need not apply.
If you have a taste for adventure, go for option #2. Imagine the thrill of having a total stranger hand over the keys to a brand-new Maserati, entrusting its care to you and you alone for the next few hours. It’s like carjacking, without all the hurt feelings.
WHAT TRAINING DO I NEED?
Good news. This job is textbook NDR (No Diploma Required). If you’ve got a driver’s license, you’re 99.9% there. But a criminal record will get you dinged. No one wants to get their ride back and discover their Taylor Swift live CD set has gone missing.
If you’ve decided to go the booth monkey route, before showing up for work the first day, ask family and friends to help you practice handing them change without making skin-on-skin contact. It’s trickier than it looks, and the true mark of an artist. For instructional videos, see Toll Booth Attendant.
HOW DO I GET THE JOB?
Check the classifieds. Or if you want to be more proactive, apply in person to managers of your favorite parking lots. If you’re handy, build a box filled with keys dangling from numbered hooks, and blow them away with a demo of your speed and accuracy.
UPSIDE:
If you’re a valet, you’ll end up parking your share of POS’s, but there’ll also be plenty of chances to live out your fantasies, taking 25-second joy rides in gleaming Jags and Escalades.
But handing the keys back to the owners when it’s all over can be almost physically painful – a condition known in the industry as “automotive blue balls.”
Meanwhile, if you’re a booth attendant, the upside is . . . um . . . Hey! Did we mention you get to watch “Dr. Oz?”
DOWNSIDE:
Valets: You’re on the hook for any damage you do to any cars. And with what you’re pulling down, a scratch in a Kia fender will set you back three months’ wages.
Booth Attendants: Many of these attendants are now being completely replaced by machines. They’re cheaper, more reliable, and less likely to be caught masturbating.
1) The kind that sits in a cramped little booth all day, watching dully and resentfully as drivers take tickets from an automated machine; and
2) His much cooler cousin, the valet, who gets to actually run around parking cars and practicing his Spanish.
The first type is for you if you’re out of shape, love making change, and own a reliable tiny black-and-white TV. But be warned: claustrophobes need not apply.
If you have a taste for adventure, go for option #2. Imagine the thrill of having a total stranger hand over the keys to a brand-new Maserati, entrusting its care to you and you alone for the next few hours. It’s like carjacking, without all the hurt feelings.
WHAT TRAINING DO I NEED?
Good news. This job is textbook NDR (No Diploma Required). If you’ve got a driver’s license, you’re 99.9% there. But a criminal record will get you dinged. No one wants to get their ride back and discover their Taylor Swift live CD set has gone missing.
If you’ve decided to go the booth monkey route, before showing up for work the first day, ask family and friends to help you practice handing them change without making skin-on-skin contact. It’s trickier than it looks, and the true mark of an artist. For instructional videos, see Toll Booth Attendant.
HOW DO I GET THE JOB?
Check the classifieds. Or if you want to be more proactive, apply in person to managers of your favorite parking lots. If you’re handy, build a box filled with keys dangling from numbered hooks, and blow them away with a demo of your speed and accuracy.
UPSIDE:
If you’re a valet, you’ll end up parking your share of POS’s, but there’ll also be plenty of chances to live out your fantasies, taking 25-second joy rides in gleaming Jags and Escalades.
But handing the keys back to the owners when it’s all over can be almost physically painful – a condition known in the industry as “automotive blue balls.”
Meanwhile, if you’re a booth attendant, the upside is . . . um . . . Hey! Did we mention you get to watch “Dr. Oz?”
DOWNSIDE:
Valets: You’re on the hook for any damage you do to any cars. And with what you’re pulling down, a scratch in a Kia fender will set you back three months’ wages.
Booth Attendants: Many of these attendants are now being completely replaced by machines. They’re cheaper, more reliable, and less likely to be caught masturbating.
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